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The week that I wrote the last blog entry, I went on a date with a guy named Cameron from match.com.
Fast-forward to April 1st, 2018/April Fool’s/Easter Sunday, he put a ring on it.
Faster forward to April 26, 2018, we got hitched at a law office downtown.
Here I sit a less than a year later, and we are separated.
...what?
Right.
No one considers divorce when they’re getting married, and NO Christian thinks it can happen to them. “We both love Jesus.” “We both made a covenent commitment.” Well, those things are true, and I take them very seriously.
However, we live in a fallen world and are all susceptible to our own sin nature.. and ultimately divorce is just that- a sin. Throughout the past year, I have been so incredibly set on avoiding divorce, like it is the end-all, unforgivable sin. I spent many years looking down on Christian couples that fell to divorce. “If only they had just put effort into their marriage..” I can now say that I get it. You can try as hard as you possibly can, but if both partners aren’t functioning as a team, you can’t try hard enough for the both of you. After a few weeks of crying out to God, I firmly know that it is not unreaachable by His grace.
That being said, I haven’t given up the fight for my marriage. I love my husband, despite us failing each other many times. I believe that God works miracles and I will try to pursue His will in this separation and moving forward, whether that’s together or separately.
Fast-forward to April 1st, 2018/April Fool’s/Easter Sunday, he put a ring on it.
Faster forward to April 26, 2018, we got hitched at a law office downtown.
Here I sit a less than a year later, and we are separated.
...what?
Right.
No one considers divorce when they’re getting married, and NO Christian thinks it can happen to them. “We both love Jesus.” “We both made a covenent commitment.” Well, those things are true, and I take them very seriously.
However, we live in a fallen world and are all susceptible to our own sin nature.. and ultimately divorce is just that- a sin. Throughout the past year, I have been so incredibly set on avoiding divorce, like it is the end-all, unforgivable sin. I spent many years looking down on Christian couples that fell to divorce. “If only they had just put effort into their marriage..” I can now say that I get it. You can try as hard as you possibly can, but if both partners aren’t functioning as a team, you can’t try hard enough for the both of you. After a few weeks of crying out to God, I firmly know that it is not unreaachable by His grace.
That being said, I haven’t given up the fight for my marriage. I love my husband, despite us failing each other many times. I believe that God works miracles and I will try to pursue His will in this separation and moving forward, whether that’s together or separately.
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After that post, we reconciled again. We had already been separated before and would be a total of 7 times before this most recent stint beginning in December of last year.
At the end of February, I finally petitioned for divorce. I never would have thought that I would be the one to do it. It feels so unreal. I don't feel the need to tell all of the sorted details. There are absolutely biblical grounds for me doing so, but that honestly doesn't make me feel any better or less convicted.
Out of the marriage, we share a beautiful baby boy named Luke, whom is our focus as we try to navigate co-parenting and keeping a cordial relationship for his sake. I have worked on this post on 4 different occasions over multiple years, and I still don't have a succinct way to wrap it up other than to say this-
God is already redeeming my story and showing Himself to be faithful and true. I'll post about that soon.
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