Coffee & prayer.

"When my world is shaking, heaven stands. 

When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands."

3 years ago today, I began listening to the song "Your Hands" by JJ Heller on repeat for a Multi-week period. I was just dumped by the man I was going to marry. I had isolated myself from all of my friends  during the relationship. I hadn't spoken to God, or even given Him a thought in over a year. I was alone.

Since that time, I have turned back to following the God I love more than any other. I have regained relationships due to undeserved grace from my friends. I am able to walk into a room of people alone in confidence. I am ok with the uncertainty of my future- location wise and vocationally. I have dated. I am ok with the fact that I'm currently not dating. I no longer find my identity in a significant other, but in Christ. And I still have a long journey ahead. 

This morning I woke up, made my coffee brought it back to bed and talked to God longer than I have in years. As a lazy Christian, it is so easy to say or think that God already knows the condition of your heart. He knows your struggles. He knows what you're thankful for. And honestly- it's true. God knows before we do. But sometimes God reaches out to me in my own prayer. In times of prayer, God helps me to understand the condition of my heart... What I'm struggling with... What I need to be thankful for. I'm so overwhelmed by the God of the universe that hangs on my every breath and romances me in moments of stillness- merely residing in His presence. 

I don't often reminisce. I'm much inclined to living in the present, sometimes even trying to in the future. But I know it is of great value to reflect on how God is working in me from time to time- to see the growth and be encouraged.

For how long will you mourn what God has deemed unworthy?

For how long will you mourn what God has deemed unworthy?

Heavy, right?

No, really. Take a second to consider the statement.

Within hours of my arrival on the island, I began mourning the loss of the comfort of home, my people there, and even material objects I left behind. This grief hasn’t dissipated the way I expected it would in the month and some odd days that I’ve been here.  I still miss friends. I still miss Memphis. I have even been missing past relationships.  (That one is hard to swallow...) To be clear, not all of these things are bad. However, I feel this incessant internal tension between pining for the comfort of home and well… comfort- and adapting to where God has placed me.

I feel a sense of purpose here. The lack of close friends or appointments has been apt for me to be still and listen to God. I’m learning a lot about where I need to grow and have even been given some opportunities just in the past month to exercise them. I’ve been blessed with a lovely condo to live in. I have found a church that I really like. I love my job have been entrusted with a lot more responsibility at this store. I live on an island, for Pete’s sake! (Well, really close to it, anyway.) So then, how am I able to be ungrateful? Comparison.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of all joy,” and I believe that to be true. Social media has become a drug to me here. I’m incessantly checking to see what’s happening at home,  what’s new in my friend’s lives- what I feel I’m missing out on. My first inclination was to delete all of my social media accounts. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Dare I even say Pinterest. Surely that would force me to be present in the now. But the issue isn’t a mere matter of accessibility. It’s a matter of my heart. I’m so anxious over being in control of every aspect of my life and eager to plan ahead that I was discussing moving away within a week of moving to Hilton Head. With that mindset, how could I possibly root myself here? 

It’s time for me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

It is time to open myself up and be fearless in connecting to this new city and the people that live here. 

It’s time to stop mourning what God has deemed unworthy and trust Him for what’s best ahead. 

A Beautiful Storm

The other evening as I left work, a storm was just passing. I'm not sure if this particular type of storm is common for the area, but I have never seen anything like it. Lightning was streaking through the clouds and illuminating the whole sky. I was talking to a friend in Memphis and told him that I wish he could see it because it was the most beautiful storm of my life. 

After the words left my mouth, the phrase resonated with me for a few days. "The most beautiful storm of my life." It sounds almost contradictory, but it's a matter of perspective. One can choose to look at the storm in a multitude of ways. 

- One can look at the storm in fear. The lightning could strike them at any moment. 

- One could let it ruin their day for lack of sunshine. "Comparison is the thief of all joy." 

- Or, one can view the storm for what it is- just a part of life. A rainstorm is not the most preferable weather to most, but it serves the purpose the Maker has given it just the same. To water the fields. To continue the life cycle... and in a beautiful display rather than just a normal drab rainy day.

The past couple of days I have been pretty busy between getting the store ready for the opening on Wednesday and with my on-going search for housing. It was very easy for me to want to stop and sulk over the housing I don't have, the friends and family I've left behind in Memphis, and the loneliness of this new place. Living in self-pity and sometimes even fear is really easy and comes rather naturally to me. However, I know that is not what I'm called to do as a daughter of the King. I am called to live my life according to it's purpose- to know God and make Him known. And when my eyes are not fixed on the Maker, I praise Him for providing a storm that leads me back to His arms. 

Where Feet May Fail

Hello All.

It has been quite a while since my last post and quite a bit has changed. I recently moved to Hilton Head Island, SC to open the new Whole Foods Market here. My boss, Ben, was offered a job here and asked if I would like to transfer as well. Who can turn down a job at the beach? After a lot of prayer and seeking guidance from friends and family, I made the decision in late May to move in mid-July. My roommate, Amanda, who also works for Whole Foods decided to move as well and we hurriedly planned a quick trip to Hilton Head to scope out the area and look for housing. So June 3-5, we came to Hilton Head with my best friends, Shea and Jason, for a very quick trip.

 Beach giddy.

These guys are seriously the best.

We scoped out the island and noted potential places to live. Let me tell you- finding housing in this resort town during tourist season is legitimately one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. (I'm still searching, but I know that God will provide the right place at the right time.) But the boys got some good beach time in and we spent the last day in Savannah, walking the absolutely stunning streets- lined with Live Oaks and rich in french architecture. We saw Paula Deen at her restaurant and ate an absurd amount of unhealthy food there. 

But, I digress... So, Amanda and I did not find housing before we left to come here. It was proving to be an impossible feat to accomplish from afar. We booked an extended stay from the 12th of July to the end of the month.That was the allotment of time we allowed to find permanent housing. Pulling into Bluffton (the inland suburb of Hilton Head) my car started to make a wretched noise. "Goldie Hawnda," as I call her, probably wasn't the best choice of vehicle to make the 650 mile drive. So, I called Dad and then took her to a shop. The A/C compressor was broken and it was going to cost $925 to fix- not at all an expected expense. The mechanic rigged it so that my car is drive-able, but air-conditionless for $100. (Much better.) 

Amanda and I went on and searched for housing, but were coming up with nothing feasible. It turns out that most condominiums and apartment complexes in the area do not take dogs because of sand fleas, which I hadn't known to exist until recently. A few more hiccups arose in the search, and ultimately, on Monday of this week, Amanda decided that this wasn't the right time for her to make this big of a move. She returned home on Tuesday. 

Coming out to Hilton Head, I prayed over the move incessantly. "Oceans" by Hillsong United became my anthem. 

The bridge of the song says:

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.

Let me walk upon the waters-

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,

and my faith will be made stronger,

in the presence of my Savior.

I prayed that God would use this move as a means to draw me to rely more on Him. 

I prayed that God would provide (housing) for us in a way that would reflect that it was His provision 

I prayed that God would "take me deeper than my feet could ever wander" and He has done just that. 

The struggle is real, guys. But so is my God and He is good. He will triumph and when I do have a house, this glorious life He has given me will reflect Him. 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters.

Your sovereign hand will be my guide.

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me,

You've never failed and you won't start now.