I called the seminary that I applied to yesterday afternoon and once again, heard the voicemail message. Frustrated and anxious, I drove down Union Avenue toward work. My phone rang. I fumbled looking for it in my passenger seat. I answered, "hello?" The man on the other end was the dean at the seminary. He said, "We will unfortunately have to decline your application at this time..." and went on to explain why and give me advice on what to put in my application for the Spring.
...
...
My heart began to sink as my greatest fear throughout this application process was realized. I'm not good enough. I'm insufficient for ministry because of the sins of my past and the seminary staff's judgement of my current faith. Maybe I'm not called to ministry. Once again, I don't know what I'm going to do, or even what I'd like to do, vocationally. Why is this happening to me?
And not even five minutes into this whirlwind of emotion and distress, I cry out to God in gratitude.
Because I know that this attitude of self-pity is not glorifying to God and the fastest way to change it is to give praise. "Thank you Lord for your direction- for closing this door and steering me in the direction of Your will."
He loved me at my darkest.
He sent His son to cover my sins.
I'm made sufficient through the blood of Christ.
I trust God's will for my life.
His plan > mine.
Also, through this I have received an out-pour of love and support from my church community, family, and friends. God has blessed me greatly by each one of you. <3
